All Good Things Must End (or time to stop the madness)

I joined RWA about, oh, 20 years ago. Now admittedly for a decade or so I paid little attention to the operation itself. I'd joined the NYC chapter and never went to those meetings either.

I attended the NYC National Conference in 1993 and again in 2003. And in between, I tried to re-connect with the NYC Chapter. In September, 2001. I went to a meeting on Saturday, September 8, 2001. Then never heard from anyone again. So it wasn't until 2004 when I decided to get back into the swing of things. I looked up the RWA/NYC and re-joined and started attending meetings every so often. Then in 2005 I started attending regularly. Then I ended up on the Board where I remained for 2 1/2 years (give or take). And I joined on-line chapters and sat on their Boards.

And in this time I began focusing a good deal more on the National operation; their philosophy, business acumen and so forth. And after 3 years I've sadly concluded that they are no longer the place for me.

Too much close-mindedness about the technology that is now driving the industry. Too much paternalistic nonsense about "protecting" their members instead of educating (I'm all for assistance in promulgating good working conditions for authors, but when it's National's way or the highway? Well, that's not what I'm looking for. Give me the objective information and I'll make my own decisions.)

I'd hoped for a new Board for 2010, that would have a different tack, but unfortunately it appears to be more of the same, or worse. So when the latest bru-haha arose (Jane Litte's no longer welcome because she is "un-supportive" - which I can only translate to be that she was critical of National's choices and advocacy) I decided that sitting on RWA chapter boards, volunteering for committees (election, contest, membership, bylaws) was benefitting everyone but me. Because I wasn't getting anything back. My choice of romance is erotic romance. Not supported by National. And I think that the digital era is wholly upon us and offers much for the romance author, esp. one writing outside the box. Still looked upon as the ugly redheaded stepchild by RWA. And if voicing opposition is no longer acceptable? Well, hell, I'll take my stories and go play with the other kids. You know the ones. The folks who take chances and don't whine and know that in the real world there are going to be some mistakes that sting until we learn the path that is right for us. Not be told we are not "real" authors unless we subscribe to an antiquated yardstick. Not be treated as though we are mentally deficient if we disagree with the National logic. Not be called writers of "porn" or whores because we choose a genre that has proven to be wildly popular but is still viewed as not romantic or not good writing.

No, I've dedicated enough energy, I think. There are a lot of organizations out there. Some who have similar rules, but if I join them now, it's with my eyes open and a determination that I won't be volunteering my time. And some don't have the same rules. Some organizations treat their writers as professionals rather than children. Since I know to cross the street when I have a "WALK" sign, not to take candy from strangers and, heaven forbid, walk alone in Central Park at night, I think I'm adult enough to make decisions about my own career without inuendo and condescention.

Gee, do you think I'm bitter much? A lot of years of energy down the tubes. Time to get started on me. Let the other folks learn what they need to learn. And make the mistakes, get the skinned knees (figuratively speaking) and get educated.

Me, I'm off to write. Paranormals where I can make the world according to my own vision.

With tons of hot sex, of course!

November 13, 2009 - Friday the 13th!

I love Friday the 13th. I'm not at all superstitious and I actually seem to get an extra dose of energy and enthusiasm on these days. Maybe that is why I'm feeling especially optimistic and determined today. But it might also be the confluence of events that transpired - all yesterday.

I chatted briefly with my old boss, a great lady who was one of 5 of the attorneys I worked for who, 2 years ago, banded together to buy me a laptop for my Christmas gift. An incredible gesture, but also one that showed their support for my writing endeavors. She was, thereafter, a great champion of my contest wins and my various efforts. She left about 8 months ago and I rarely see or speak to her. Yesterday, however, she called and we chatted for a minute. And she asked me, "How's your writing going?". Then a short while later, a young woman I work with stopped by to fill me in on what was happening with a serious personal project of hers, and ended the conversation by asking me how my writing was going, and telling me how excited she was for me to have a book for her to read, and watching the process. THEN, I was asked to walk a client through a signing process (routine, and very easy). There were tons of signature pages and lots of copies, so it took a while and we chatted. I mentioned I didn't mind train delays because I always have a book with me, he asked me what I was reading and I told him it was a book called Get Known Before the Book Deal. He asked if I was a writer. I said yes - he's a screenwriter, and his latest film is just getting underway. He asked me about my book and I told him all about the "books of my heart", my 5 book World War II series on women (nurses, spies, scientists, pilots and journalists) in the War. He told me he thought the idea was "genius" and he asked to see the finished product. I smiled and said, "why thank you", and he reiterated. "No, I mean it. I really want to see it."

That left me floating all afternoon - it wasn't much. It was just validation. I haven't been getting much of that lately (in fact I'm feeling, emotionally, like I went a few rounds with Russel Crowe in Gladiator- bloody, but unbowed). And it felt great to get these 3 individual "pats on the back".

So today I'm feeling good. Like I've had the emotional equivalent of a B12 shot. Energetic, rarin' to go. And confident that I will see the fruits of my labors ripen and be made into pie.

Or something like that.

October 27, 2009

It's Tuesday of my last vacation week of 2009. And it is raining. And it is going to rain tomorrow. And Saturday. And Sunday. Cripes.

Well, I'm trying to take the Pollyanna approach and be glad - that it is raining; because now I need no excuse as to why I'm not out raking or cleaning the gutters or pruning back dead summer plants. I have to stay in the house and that means I can - ORGANIZE. I'm a total failure at organization. I'm a packrat and I can't throw anything away and I am always absolutely positive EVERYTHING will, one day, be very useful and must be saved. Given that my house is a small, unexpanded Levitt house (Cape style) that means I'm surrounded by chaos.

NaNo is just around the corner and I've got a good idea (a promise to my Mother, actually that the novel will be her Christmas gift - Oy vey.) and I've got some energy going and enthusiasm about getting underway. So what I need to do now is be organized - so I can find those craft references and research books that I will be needing as I go. So I can find my "lucky" fountain pen to write with (it made me absolutely successful in 2006 with my "Just In Time" time travel/romance/suspense/Jack The Ripper thriller....). And so I can feel as though I'm not inundated and overwhelmed (which is usually how I feel).

I'm anxious to get the L&L contest taken care of and wrapped up (I dread going back to my work email and finding the further problems that my judges have emailed me about....) so that I can face the end of the year (Goddess, where HAS it gone?!) and be prepared for 2010 with my life less insane, and my space all neat and organized and ready for me to be productive.

So on that note, guess it's time to CLEAN HOUSE!

Too many irons in too many overheated fires...

September 22, 2009.

OK, so I got out of the dumps that September 11th engendered. Then I got past my local chapter's awards event that sucked some more life out of me (rather the way the Dementor's sucked the joy out of the folks at Hogwarts?). The contest I am chairing is creeping along .... we may have enough entries to run it. The election committee I am chairing for said chapter (by default as the only one not running) is set for candidates (for now).

I was just getting ready to get back into the swing of my personal things. You know, writing, and stuff. I had gotten all revved up to get back to my World War II series and started researching, bought books, came up with a title and was chatting about it on my Yahoo group for the September challenge when Mom gets into the act.

My Mother - who nudges me constantly about never finishing my writing projects (OKAY SO SHE'S RIGHT! LET'S MOVE ON!) decided on what she wanted for Christmas. A finished book. She figures it's easy if I write "what I know" (i.e., being a legal secretary in an entertainment law firm). So since I'm poor, I never know what to buy her ANYWAY, and since it will keep her off my broken down back, I'm plugging away at this book. Fortunately, an idea came to me and the kernal of plot has blossomed into something else. I'm saying the concept is "Working Girl meets Charmed". Because, knowing me - well, you don't, but you're probably getting an idea, right? - it must have some paranormal in it! So enter my female protagonist - a WASP "White, Anglo-Saxon Pagan".

And we're off and running.

And if the pressure from Mom weren't enough, another gal, at my day job, who is going back to school to enable her to reach a bit higher, profession-wise, is ALSO egging me on.

But you know what? I'm feeling like there's a universal energy out there - "You can do it" vibes. Or maybe I'm just channeling the Little Engine that Could, but I'm feeling confident and motivated and maybe, just maybe, this one will be the charm.

And it's easy to wrap, too!

Ho! Ho! Ho!

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
- Douglas Adams

September 13, 2009

September 11 always bums me out, but this year, for some reason, more than usual. I'm not sure why.

I'm feeling restless and glum and as though my desire to write and be published as a romance author is a bit trivial. I know it isn't! I know that entertainment and books, reading, stories, and ideas are all wonderful things.

Just a momentary thing, I hope.

I'm repeating - like a desperate mantra - "only three more months; only three more months" until my Board duties can be abandoned and I can move on. Naturally I succumed to my pathological volunteerism and am now the non-running Board member sitting on the chapter election committee.

I hope that there are people who want to contribute - I really do. We'll see. Even though it will mean more work for me, I'd like to see a competition and see that there are people who think that donating some of their time and expertise is worthwhile for our chapter.

Tomorrow's Monday. I've had a sinus headache for a week and have written little, but have researched a lot. I'm trying to focus, take vitamins (lots of C) and get "back in the saddle" again so I can write.

Got my rewfund for the NJ conference which I am NOT attending because I don't have anything to pitch but also because there weren't sufficiently interesting editors attending. That may have changed, but now I'm focusing on a pair of vacation weeks during October when I can really hunker down.

O woe is me. Yeah, I know. Blah blah blah. I'll get over it. A good night's sleep and I'll be back in fighting shape.

Write happy (she says)!

September 9, 2009

Well I've been working like a demon to get back to my OWN projects and find the time to focus on ME. I think that time has arrived!

I committed to blogging for Hearts' Seduced blog. Check. Then to the NYC blog. Check. I got the Stilleto entries done & sent. The HH contest sank. The L&L contest is on track (final judge, luring 1st round judges, 2 announcements out, the 3rd to go today). Though with only 2 entries and 3 weeks to go - well, I don't know.

Having witnessed so many chapter members' success in recent days I have redoubled my efforts to step out of the "supportive" spotlight and into a nice, dark corner where I can scribble away.

Tons of ideas, so I've picked one to focus on (enough of the timetables, lists, and other detritus of my life - I'm plowing through one project until it is done. Otherwise I'll get nowhere.

I canceled my attendance at the NJ conference (and received my refund which will be a big plus in this tough, tough month). I have no obstacles before me - except for the GAA event which is next week and then, mercifully, over. The october 1 deadline for the contest is the only thing looming and then distribution and then finis (more or less).

For now, I'm happy that the creative juices' faucet is running again. My Great Books Project is up and running. My WWII yahoo group is up (though jogging would be a more appropriate term, I think, than "running"). And I'm slowly stepping back from the weight of responsibility.

Good for me!

Anyway, I'm working on a project that's intriguied me for years. Going with what I "love" for now.

August 16, 2009

Sultry summer has arrived, at least for the short-term. It makes everything harder - including writing - for me. Besides yard work, house work, and work-work, I'm just drained by the commute, by sweating 24/7 and by forecasts that predict this current mini-wave will last through Wednesday. BUT, I'm in front of the fan today, and while I do have significant yard work (imagine cleaning up Jurassic park - that's about the size of my task) I'll have to break it into little bite-sized pieces in order not to collapse of heat stroke. Instead, I'm going to take blocks of time today and relax in front of the fan and work on my current piece. Or should I say pieces? My biggest problem - stick-to-it-ive-ness. Or, as my Grandmother often accused: "Your eyes are bigger than your stomach."

So what have I got on tap? My novella, The Diary of Desiree Lee, for the Gothic Red Rose novella project. I haven't made any progress to speak of on the Vampire erotic novella anthology, though I don't think I'm alone there....But I have my current, personal, full-lenght project, "Extreme" (working title) underway and I am very excited by it. With luck that means I'll be able to focus on it and not let my mind wander.

My original plans were to have this ready for the New Jersey conference, but at this rate, I won't have it done, AND since NJ's roster of editors attending was JUST posted (2 months after registration began) and there are only THREE editors attending - from Lachesis (Canadian small press), Crescent Moon (e-pub of fantasy/paranormal only) and Samhain - to whom I can submit without an agent anyway, it doesn't motivate me very much. So I'll have to find my own motivation.

What my "long term personal forecast" is: December 31, 2009 - the date on which I retake my life and my energies and can focus on my projects, branding, and everything else that goes along with being a successful writer. Instead of a successful volunteer.