Nov. 28, 2009 - Harrumph.

I am sure I'm not the only one who has one of those spoilers in their life. The kind of person who seems on the outside to be a real cheerleader and supporter, but in fact is the kind of person who throws a moneky wrench into the works - effectively screwing up my plans. I do. I won't name names, but it's really upsetting me. Claiming I "willfully misunderstood" a request/plea so that my efforts are now doomed to failure. In fact I did not misunderstand. The request was quite clear and I was working hard toward the requested goal. Now suddenly that goal is moot and I'm "failing" because I should have known, but didn't, what the REAL request was.

I'm tired. A bad night's sleep (horrid winds and a couple of tree branches that I ended up getting up at 6:30 AM to drag my pruner around and chop them off. Garbage had to be hauled out and the interminable Thanksgiving dishes are still being washed (though, in all honestly, Thursday's dishes were done, but with my brother here we are going through those pots and pans at record speed). Food shopping, feeding animals and now the sun has set and what was a beautiful day was spoiled by someone who can't bear to see me succeed at anything.

Sometimes I just wonder when I'm going to get some "me" time and be left alone - without the constant editorializing about what I'm doing wrong.

Sigh.

All Good Things Must End (or time to stop the madness)

I joined RWA about, oh, 20 years ago. Now admittedly for a decade or so I paid little attention to the operation itself. I'd joined the NYC chapter and never went to those meetings either.

I attended the NYC National Conference in 1993 and again in 2003. And in between, I tried to re-connect with the NYC Chapter. In September, 2001. I went to a meeting on Saturday, September 8, 2001. Then never heard from anyone again. So it wasn't until 2004 when I decided to get back into the swing of things. I looked up the RWA/NYC and re-joined and started attending meetings every so often. Then in 2005 I started attending regularly. Then I ended up on the Board where I remained for 2 1/2 years (give or take). And I joined on-line chapters and sat on their Boards.

And in this time I began focusing a good deal more on the National operation; their philosophy, business acumen and so forth. And after 3 years I've sadly concluded that they are no longer the place for me.

Too much close-mindedness about the technology that is now driving the industry. Too much paternalistic nonsense about "protecting" their members instead of educating (I'm all for assistance in promulgating good working conditions for authors, but when it's National's way or the highway? Well, that's not what I'm looking for. Give me the objective information and I'll make my own decisions.)

I'd hoped for a new Board for 2010, that would have a different tack, but unfortunately it appears to be more of the same, or worse. So when the latest bru-haha arose (Jane Litte's no longer welcome because she is "un-supportive" - which I can only translate to be that she was critical of National's choices and advocacy) I decided that sitting on RWA chapter boards, volunteering for committees (election, contest, membership, bylaws) was benefitting everyone but me. Because I wasn't getting anything back. My choice of romance is erotic romance. Not supported by National. And I think that the digital era is wholly upon us and offers much for the romance author, esp. one writing outside the box. Still looked upon as the ugly redheaded stepchild by RWA. And if voicing opposition is no longer acceptable? Well, hell, I'll take my stories and go play with the other kids. You know the ones. The folks who take chances and don't whine and know that in the real world there are going to be some mistakes that sting until we learn the path that is right for us. Not be told we are not "real" authors unless we subscribe to an antiquated yardstick. Not be treated as though we are mentally deficient if we disagree with the National logic. Not be called writers of "porn" or whores because we choose a genre that has proven to be wildly popular but is still viewed as not romantic or not good writing.

No, I've dedicated enough energy, I think. There are a lot of organizations out there. Some who have similar rules, but if I join them now, it's with my eyes open and a determination that I won't be volunteering my time. And some don't have the same rules. Some organizations treat their writers as professionals rather than children. Since I know to cross the street when I have a "WALK" sign, not to take candy from strangers and, heaven forbid, walk alone in Central Park at night, I think I'm adult enough to make decisions about my own career without inuendo and condescention.

Gee, do you think I'm bitter much? A lot of years of energy down the tubes. Time to get started on me. Let the other folks learn what they need to learn. And make the mistakes, get the skinned knees (figuratively speaking) and get educated.

Me, I'm off to write. Paranormals where I can make the world according to my own vision.

With tons of hot sex, of course!

November 13, 2009 - Friday the 13th!

I love Friday the 13th. I'm not at all superstitious and I actually seem to get an extra dose of energy and enthusiasm on these days. Maybe that is why I'm feeling especially optimistic and determined today. But it might also be the confluence of events that transpired - all yesterday.

I chatted briefly with my old boss, a great lady who was one of 5 of the attorneys I worked for who, 2 years ago, banded together to buy me a laptop for my Christmas gift. An incredible gesture, but also one that showed their support for my writing endeavors. She was, thereafter, a great champion of my contest wins and my various efforts. She left about 8 months ago and I rarely see or speak to her. Yesterday, however, she called and we chatted for a minute. And she asked me, "How's your writing going?". Then a short while later, a young woman I work with stopped by to fill me in on what was happening with a serious personal project of hers, and ended the conversation by asking me how my writing was going, and telling me how excited she was for me to have a book for her to read, and watching the process. THEN, I was asked to walk a client through a signing process (routine, and very easy). There were tons of signature pages and lots of copies, so it took a while and we chatted. I mentioned I didn't mind train delays because I always have a book with me, he asked me what I was reading and I told him it was a book called Get Known Before the Book Deal. He asked if I was a writer. I said yes - he's a screenwriter, and his latest film is just getting underway. He asked me about my book and I told him all about the "books of my heart", my 5 book World War II series on women (nurses, spies, scientists, pilots and journalists) in the War. He told me he thought the idea was "genius" and he asked to see the finished product. I smiled and said, "why thank you", and he reiterated. "No, I mean it. I really want to see it."

That left me floating all afternoon - it wasn't much. It was just validation. I haven't been getting much of that lately (in fact I'm feeling, emotionally, like I went a few rounds with Russel Crowe in Gladiator- bloody, but unbowed). And it felt great to get these 3 individual "pats on the back".

So today I'm feeling good. Like I've had the emotional equivalent of a B12 shot. Energetic, rarin' to go. And confident that I will see the fruits of my labors ripen and be made into pie.

Or something like that.