Jan. 18, 2010

While I know many people think of this day as simply an extra day off, providing a long weekend, I always have a sense of the somber history of the day. When I was a little girl I recall the assassination and the call my mother got from a college friend telling her of Martin Luther King's death. I remember her sitting down and crying.

The sun is out here on LI and it's milder than it should be for January, but I'm enjoying the restive nature that allows me time to just sit and think (when, of course, I should be writing, cleaning, shopping, or doing laundry).

Contemplation, recognition of the world around me - especially right now when the tragedy in Haiti is still occupying center stage around the world. The opportunity for quiet time to just think and remember my place in the scheme of this world is very humbling. I had a couple of upsets during the holiday season that further reminded me I'm not all that and a bag of chips. So get over myself.

Thinking about the heroic character archtype. No hero is perfect. All heroes are flawed. They wouldn't be human if they were perfect. (Hey, even the Gods aren't perfect!) That MLK had his human frailties does not negate the contribution and the sacrifices he made for a greater good.

And I am saddened only that more people don't take the opportunity to remind themselves that there are bigger things out there in the world, more monumental events occuring, than just them and the incidents in their own lives.

Always remember and please never forget - it's not always about "me".

A hard lesson to be learning and for most of us, we need a remedial course!

Today is the day I always try to remind myself to be a better person, a stronger person, and a less selfish person. Sadly, I need the reminding.

January 1, 2010

It's here. The new year, the new decade. And I'm very excited about this year. Last year (and the year before) I had taken on way too many non-writing responsibilities for RWA chapters. This year they have all concluded and I am FREE FREE FREE to write.

I ended 2009 on a high note, however, despite the setbacks, frustration, procrastination, anxiety and myriad responsibilities that kept me from my writing. My Mother's challenge to me - her insistence that what she wanted for Christmas was a completed novel - caused me no end of angst from the minute she made the request (in October) until December 1. I tried 2 different novels (one based on her suggestion that I write "what I know" and write a romance set in an enterainment law firm, but toiling away all week in same made that a far less appealing concept.) I couldn't come up with anything that tempted me or inspired me and dropped that idea. I had a 2nd idea and wrote about 50 pages of it (based on a NYC, gossip type plot). But nope, didn't grab me. Then on December 1 I decided I had to write what I really was enthused about. I returned to an older idea - an urban fantasy with lots of adventure and humor - that I'd originally entitled Dead Man Talking. I wrote 1 first scene, and then a later scene that subsequently won third place in an RWA contest. But never went further. But I've thought about it in the 2 years since I started and that was the novel I decided, ultimately, to write.

Between 12/2 and 12/24 I wrote 200 pages, and added them to the other 20 pages already written. I gave Mother 1/2 of the newly titled BLACK MAGIC WOMAN on Christmas Eve. And them from 12/26 - 12/30 (that's right, FOUR FREAKING DAYS) I wrote another 128 pages. The total page count: 348. Total word count: 75,000.

She got the second half last evening.

My first, first draft, done, completed, finished. There's a lot of editing to be done, certainly, but I've already begun the editing process. And have spotted some great ways to add to what I already think is a great, fun, rollicking novel. Lots to do on it, but this milestone is HUGE.

And it means I can check off at least one of my 2009 goals: Finish a book. And it means I can start 2010 with a sense of accomplishment and success that will fuel me as I move forward in a new decade.

Color me totally psyched!

Nov. 28, 2009 - Harrumph.

I am sure I'm not the only one who has one of those spoilers in their life. The kind of person who seems on the outside to be a real cheerleader and supporter, but in fact is the kind of person who throws a moneky wrench into the works - effectively screwing up my plans. I do. I won't name names, but it's really upsetting me. Claiming I "willfully misunderstood" a request/plea so that my efforts are now doomed to failure. In fact I did not misunderstand. The request was quite clear and I was working hard toward the requested goal. Now suddenly that goal is moot and I'm "failing" because I should have known, but didn't, what the REAL request was.

I'm tired. A bad night's sleep (horrid winds and a couple of tree branches that I ended up getting up at 6:30 AM to drag my pruner around and chop them off. Garbage had to be hauled out and the interminable Thanksgiving dishes are still being washed (though, in all honestly, Thursday's dishes were done, but with my brother here we are going through those pots and pans at record speed). Food shopping, feeding animals and now the sun has set and what was a beautiful day was spoiled by someone who can't bear to see me succeed at anything.

Sometimes I just wonder when I'm going to get some "me" time and be left alone - without the constant editorializing about what I'm doing wrong.

Sigh.

All Good Things Must End (or time to stop the madness)

I joined RWA about, oh, 20 years ago. Now admittedly for a decade or so I paid little attention to the operation itself. I'd joined the NYC chapter and never went to those meetings either.

I attended the NYC National Conference in 1993 and again in 2003. And in between, I tried to re-connect with the NYC Chapter. In September, 2001. I went to a meeting on Saturday, September 8, 2001. Then never heard from anyone again. So it wasn't until 2004 when I decided to get back into the swing of things. I looked up the RWA/NYC and re-joined and started attending meetings every so often. Then in 2005 I started attending regularly. Then I ended up on the Board where I remained for 2 1/2 years (give or take). And I joined on-line chapters and sat on their Boards.

And in this time I began focusing a good deal more on the National operation; their philosophy, business acumen and so forth. And after 3 years I've sadly concluded that they are no longer the place for me.

Too much close-mindedness about the technology that is now driving the industry. Too much paternalistic nonsense about "protecting" their members instead of educating (I'm all for assistance in promulgating good working conditions for authors, but when it's National's way or the highway? Well, that's not what I'm looking for. Give me the objective information and I'll make my own decisions.)

I'd hoped for a new Board for 2010, that would have a different tack, but unfortunately it appears to be more of the same, or worse. So when the latest bru-haha arose (Jane Litte's no longer welcome because she is "un-supportive" - which I can only translate to be that she was critical of National's choices and advocacy) I decided that sitting on RWA chapter boards, volunteering for committees (election, contest, membership, bylaws) was benefitting everyone but me. Because I wasn't getting anything back. My choice of romance is erotic romance. Not supported by National. And I think that the digital era is wholly upon us and offers much for the romance author, esp. one writing outside the box. Still looked upon as the ugly redheaded stepchild by RWA. And if voicing opposition is no longer acceptable? Well, hell, I'll take my stories and go play with the other kids. You know the ones. The folks who take chances and don't whine and know that in the real world there are going to be some mistakes that sting until we learn the path that is right for us. Not be told we are not "real" authors unless we subscribe to an antiquated yardstick. Not be treated as though we are mentally deficient if we disagree with the National logic. Not be called writers of "porn" or whores because we choose a genre that has proven to be wildly popular but is still viewed as not romantic or not good writing.

No, I've dedicated enough energy, I think. There are a lot of organizations out there. Some who have similar rules, but if I join them now, it's with my eyes open and a determination that I won't be volunteering my time. And some don't have the same rules. Some organizations treat their writers as professionals rather than children. Since I know to cross the street when I have a "WALK" sign, not to take candy from strangers and, heaven forbid, walk alone in Central Park at night, I think I'm adult enough to make decisions about my own career without inuendo and condescention.

Gee, do you think I'm bitter much? A lot of years of energy down the tubes. Time to get started on me. Let the other folks learn what they need to learn. And make the mistakes, get the skinned knees (figuratively speaking) and get educated.

Me, I'm off to write. Paranormals where I can make the world according to my own vision.

With tons of hot sex, of course!

November 13, 2009 - Friday the 13th!

I love Friday the 13th. I'm not at all superstitious and I actually seem to get an extra dose of energy and enthusiasm on these days. Maybe that is why I'm feeling especially optimistic and determined today. But it might also be the confluence of events that transpired - all yesterday.

I chatted briefly with my old boss, a great lady who was one of 5 of the attorneys I worked for who, 2 years ago, banded together to buy me a laptop for my Christmas gift. An incredible gesture, but also one that showed their support for my writing endeavors. She was, thereafter, a great champion of my contest wins and my various efforts. She left about 8 months ago and I rarely see or speak to her. Yesterday, however, she called and we chatted for a minute. And she asked me, "How's your writing going?". Then a short while later, a young woman I work with stopped by to fill me in on what was happening with a serious personal project of hers, and ended the conversation by asking me how my writing was going, and telling me how excited she was for me to have a book for her to read, and watching the process. THEN, I was asked to walk a client through a signing process (routine, and very easy). There were tons of signature pages and lots of copies, so it took a while and we chatted. I mentioned I didn't mind train delays because I always have a book with me, he asked me what I was reading and I told him it was a book called Get Known Before the Book Deal. He asked if I was a writer. I said yes - he's a screenwriter, and his latest film is just getting underway. He asked me about my book and I told him all about the "books of my heart", my 5 book World War II series on women (nurses, spies, scientists, pilots and journalists) in the War. He told me he thought the idea was "genius" and he asked to see the finished product. I smiled and said, "why thank you", and he reiterated. "No, I mean it. I really want to see it."

That left me floating all afternoon - it wasn't much. It was just validation. I haven't been getting much of that lately (in fact I'm feeling, emotionally, like I went a few rounds with Russel Crowe in Gladiator- bloody, but unbowed). And it felt great to get these 3 individual "pats on the back".

So today I'm feeling good. Like I've had the emotional equivalent of a B12 shot. Energetic, rarin' to go. And confident that I will see the fruits of my labors ripen and be made into pie.

Or something like that.

October 27, 2009

It's Tuesday of my last vacation week of 2009. And it is raining. And it is going to rain tomorrow. And Saturday. And Sunday. Cripes.

Well, I'm trying to take the Pollyanna approach and be glad - that it is raining; because now I need no excuse as to why I'm not out raking or cleaning the gutters or pruning back dead summer plants. I have to stay in the house and that means I can - ORGANIZE. I'm a total failure at organization. I'm a packrat and I can't throw anything away and I am always absolutely positive EVERYTHING will, one day, be very useful and must be saved. Given that my house is a small, unexpanded Levitt house (Cape style) that means I'm surrounded by chaos.

NaNo is just around the corner and I've got a good idea (a promise to my Mother, actually that the novel will be her Christmas gift - Oy vey.) and I've got some energy going and enthusiasm about getting underway. So what I need to do now is be organized - so I can find those craft references and research books that I will be needing as I go. So I can find my "lucky" fountain pen to write with (it made me absolutely successful in 2006 with my "Just In Time" time travel/romance/suspense/Jack The Ripper thriller....). And so I can feel as though I'm not inundated and overwhelmed (which is usually how I feel).

I'm anxious to get the L&L contest taken care of and wrapped up (I dread going back to my work email and finding the further problems that my judges have emailed me about....) so that I can face the end of the year (Goddess, where HAS it gone?!) and be prepared for 2010 with my life less insane, and my space all neat and organized and ready for me to be productive.

So on that note, guess it's time to CLEAN HOUSE!

Too many irons in too many overheated fires...

September 22, 2009.

OK, so I got out of the dumps that September 11th engendered. Then I got past my local chapter's awards event that sucked some more life out of me (rather the way the Dementor's sucked the joy out of the folks at Hogwarts?). The contest I am chairing is creeping along .... we may have enough entries to run it. The election committee I am chairing for said chapter (by default as the only one not running) is set for candidates (for now).

I was just getting ready to get back into the swing of my personal things. You know, writing, and stuff. I had gotten all revved up to get back to my World War II series and started researching, bought books, came up with a title and was chatting about it on my Yahoo group for the September challenge when Mom gets into the act.

My Mother - who nudges me constantly about never finishing my writing projects (OKAY SO SHE'S RIGHT! LET'S MOVE ON!) decided on what she wanted for Christmas. A finished book. She figures it's easy if I write "what I know" (i.e., being a legal secretary in an entertainment law firm). So since I'm poor, I never know what to buy her ANYWAY, and since it will keep her off my broken down back, I'm plugging away at this book. Fortunately, an idea came to me and the kernal of plot has blossomed into something else. I'm saying the concept is "Working Girl meets Charmed". Because, knowing me - well, you don't, but you're probably getting an idea, right? - it must have some paranormal in it! So enter my female protagonist - a WASP "White, Anglo-Saxon Pagan".

And we're off and running.

And if the pressure from Mom weren't enough, another gal, at my day job, who is going back to school to enable her to reach a bit higher, profession-wise, is ALSO egging me on.

But you know what? I'm feeling like there's a universal energy out there - "You can do it" vibes. Or maybe I'm just channeling the Little Engine that Could, but I'm feeling confident and motivated and maybe, just maybe, this one will be the charm.

And it's easy to wrap, too!

Ho! Ho! Ho!

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
- Douglas Adams