Am I my own worst enemy? Probably. But I've made a vow to myself to step out of the circle of frustration, anger, futility, impotence, and into the light of unfettered creativity.
For all those people, things, stuff I cannot change - either habits, a situation, problems or issues - I will just admit defeat and move on. No more gnashing of my teeth (when I wake up middle of the night with a tension headache, that is exactly what I've been doing) and trying to push people, pull people, mold situations to my liking. Nope. No more. A pure and utter waste of time because if my assistance and help and expertise and support is not helping, then there's no reason to continue expending myself when I could, instead, be working hard on my own things.
If I suffer from a fear of success - or failure - that is where I should focus my energies and my positive efforts. To push past that and realize that pinnacle of submission to a publisher. Even if it is a short story or novella, rather than a novel (and short erotic and romance fiction sites abound, so there are plenty of folks out there to explore a relationship with, vis a vis, writing.
I'm working hard toward that goal - I was very excited yesterday, although I backslid by end of day (what is it about my day job that just sucks the very creative and energetic marrow from my bones?) but I did, as I promised myself, keep my distance from those situations that most entangle me in thei insidious webs!
But a new day has dawned. True, it is still grey, rain threatens, and worst of all the temps are rising so humidity will be the order of the day (yuck and double yuck), but I'm prepared with a light and sleeveless dress and lots of my favorite refreshing item - Jean Nate.
Does that take you back, or what?
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