March 24, 2010 - Unofficial "Mad as a Hatter" Day

Ever have one of those days? Mine started yesterday with a neighbor - having just sold his house but stopping by to remove some more junk he collected from the garage - whipped it out and took a whizz behind said garage, in direct line of sight from my bedroom window. How de-lightful! But onward and upward I grabbed my bags with my MS for further editing, my research for the revisions and my guide to writing the perfect synopsis and headed to work. Where nothing went right and I was stuck at my desk all day, including through lunch.

Ah, well, there's always the evening hours, right?

Except I got home and noticed my one dog (Scout, the elder of my two remaining rescued ex-racing greyhounds) was bleeding from her mouth. No doubt a dig from chewing on a Milk-bone or a stick, right? Well, after 45 minutes during which time the bleeding grew steadily worse, I made the decision to take her to the emergency vet. Clutching my credit card I arrived at 8:15. By then she was bleeding fairly hard and she and I were covered in it. Following the examination they sedated her (ka-ching), intubated her (ka-ching), sutured her (ka-ching), gave her fluids (ka-ching) and medications - 3 (ka-ching, ching, ching). I just sat there with the bloody clothes getting tacky, though I was distracted by running down the block to the Dunkin' Donuts, which had the only bathroom in the area. And I called a friend to kill some time before Scout roused after 11 PM.

In the end I coughed up $1,200 to pay for these various treatments and I drug poor old Scout on her wobbly legs back home where I then sat up watching the Law & Order SVU marathon until 1:30. Her cries, whimpers and wheezing had eased enough by then that I felt OK going to bed. But I woke up twice between then and 6:30 to check on her, so all in all about a meagre 4 hours sleep.

And then guess what?

I got to jump up and come back to work!

Where another day of hectic insanity left me without a lunch hour at all (and potty breaks were few and far between, too), and here I am, with quitting time having come, and gone, and I'm still at my post.

Posting.

Edits? Revisions?

Pshaw.

Oh, well, there's always tomorrow.

Didn't someone once say that?

March 18, 2010

Long time between posts for me and only now, with the Spring looming and some freakin' sun and warmth for a change (after 3 massive snowstorms and a nor'easter in March for crying out loud, not to mention ice storms, frigid temps, dark, gray, cold nastiness that led to post-apocalytpic nightmares and weird dreams) am I coming out of my mental and emotional hibernation.

I'm still plugging away on my edits and revisions to "Between a Rock & a Bad Place". I feel like the Scarecrow after the fight with the flying monkeys - bits and pieces of me all over the place - but I'm getting back together and am happy to report that I'm finding some good new "gems" of writing to move the book along.

I've found some super publishers to submit to (who take unagented queries) and even though I missed the first Liberty States conference (because of the nor'easter) my request for an appointment with the Grand Central Publishing editor who canceled anyway garnered me a letter of intro and her agreement to accept a full MS from those folks who requested appointments. So I can submit to her as soon as I've polished this sucker up!

I'm discovering lots of great new urban fantasy authors in my "research" at Barnes & Noble and on-line while hunting for the different publishers and imprints who do what my book is. Certainly better than studying for my organic chemistry final in college!

I'm holding out hope for an incredibly beautiful weekend so I can enjoy some time outside. Though I do have to do yard work (BIG TIME!) the physical labor is actually relaxing and uses up all that nudgy energy. And after a few chores I can grab my MS and sit in my favorite chair, soak up the rays and the Vitamin D and improve my glum mood and EDIT!

Then in just a few weeks I'm on vacation! By which time I hope to have some submissions/queries out and be ready to move on to the next project, which is my erotic romance suspense novel I'm going to do during the Liberty States "Mayke It Happen" May book in a month challenge.

February 7, 2010.

The Northeast missed being whalloped by the storm that dumped 2 - 3 feet of snow south from southern NJ through the mid-Atlantic. There's another predicted for Wednesday, though, so I can only hope we'll be that lucky again, especially since the LIRR has commented that they will cease all operations if there's more than 10 inches of snow - to avoid having another incident with a stuck train (but stranding millions of passengers in NYC would be OK? Sheesh. Talk about excessive ...).

Despite the bountiful sun today it's still pretty darn cold and after attending my last NYC RWA chapter meeting yesterday, I've got just today to get all my errands and chores done. BUT I feel a sense of freedom, having delivered the certificate to the Love & Laughter contest winner, which ends my 2009 VP responsibilities, and is the last of all my RWA chapter responsibilities (that have overwhelmed me for the past 3 years).

So today is the first day on which I feel that I can focus, solely, on my own work. Having gotten my first novel completed on December 30, 2009, I am now heading into revisions and re-writes. Once all the running around (food shopping, picking up Mom's meds, and repairing the shower - I swear, I wish they had Rent-A-Guy so I could just pay for one to come over and do things like that. I don't need a plumber - ka-CHING - just a pair of capable hands and that Y chromosome.)

For now - looking forward to focusing on me, me, ME. And getting my urban fantasy baby all dolled up to send out.

Jan. 18, 2010

While I know many people think of this day as simply an extra day off, providing a long weekend, I always have a sense of the somber history of the day. When I was a little girl I recall the assassination and the call my mother got from a college friend telling her of Martin Luther King's death. I remember her sitting down and crying.

The sun is out here on LI and it's milder than it should be for January, but I'm enjoying the restive nature that allows me time to just sit and think (when, of course, I should be writing, cleaning, shopping, or doing laundry).

Contemplation, recognition of the world around me - especially right now when the tragedy in Haiti is still occupying center stage around the world. The opportunity for quiet time to just think and remember my place in the scheme of this world is very humbling. I had a couple of upsets during the holiday season that further reminded me I'm not all that and a bag of chips. So get over myself.

Thinking about the heroic character archtype. No hero is perfect. All heroes are flawed. They wouldn't be human if they were perfect. (Hey, even the Gods aren't perfect!) That MLK had his human frailties does not negate the contribution and the sacrifices he made for a greater good.

And I am saddened only that more people don't take the opportunity to remind themselves that there are bigger things out there in the world, more monumental events occuring, than just them and the incidents in their own lives.

Always remember and please never forget - it's not always about "me".

A hard lesson to be learning and for most of us, we need a remedial course!

Today is the day I always try to remind myself to be a better person, a stronger person, and a less selfish person. Sadly, I need the reminding.

All Good Things Must End (or time to stop the madness)

I joined RWA about, oh, 20 years ago. Now admittedly for a decade or so I paid little attention to the operation itself. I'd joined the NYC chapter and never went to those meetings either.

I attended the NYC National Conference in 1993 and again in 2003. And in between, I tried to re-connect with the NYC Chapter. In September, 2001. I went to a meeting on Saturday, September 8, 2001. Then never heard from anyone again. So it wasn't until 2004 when I decided to get back into the swing of things. I looked up the RWA/NYC and re-joined and started attending meetings every so often. Then in 2005 I started attending regularly. Then I ended up on the Board where I remained for 2 1/2 years (give or take). And I joined on-line chapters and sat on their Boards.

And in this time I began focusing a good deal more on the National operation; their philosophy, business acumen and so forth. And after 3 years I've sadly concluded that they are no longer the place for me.

Too much close-mindedness about the technology that is now driving the industry. Too much paternalistic nonsense about "protecting" their members instead of educating (I'm all for assistance in promulgating good working conditions for authors, but when it's National's way or the highway? Well, that's not what I'm looking for. Give me the objective information and I'll make my own decisions.)

I'd hoped for a new Board for 2010, that would have a different tack, but unfortunately it appears to be more of the same, or worse. So when the latest bru-haha arose (Jane Litte's no longer welcome because she is "un-supportive" - which I can only translate to be that she was critical of National's choices and advocacy) I decided that sitting on RWA chapter boards, volunteering for committees (election, contest, membership, bylaws) was benefitting everyone but me. Because I wasn't getting anything back. My choice of romance is erotic romance. Not supported by National. And I think that the digital era is wholly upon us and offers much for the romance author, esp. one writing outside the box. Still looked upon as the ugly redheaded stepchild by RWA. And if voicing opposition is no longer acceptable? Well, hell, I'll take my stories and go play with the other kids. You know the ones. The folks who take chances and don't whine and know that in the real world there are going to be some mistakes that sting until we learn the path that is right for us. Not be told we are not "real" authors unless we subscribe to an antiquated yardstick. Not be treated as though we are mentally deficient if we disagree with the National logic. Not be called writers of "porn" or whores because we choose a genre that has proven to be wildly popular but is still viewed as not romantic or not good writing.

No, I've dedicated enough energy, I think. There are a lot of organizations out there. Some who have similar rules, but if I join them now, it's with my eyes open and a determination that I won't be volunteering my time. And some don't have the same rules. Some organizations treat their writers as professionals rather than children. Since I know to cross the street when I have a "WALK" sign, not to take candy from strangers and, heaven forbid, walk alone in Central Park at night, I think I'm adult enough to make decisions about my own career without inuendo and condescention.

Gee, do you think I'm bitter much? A lot of years of energy down the tubes. Time to get started on me. Let the other folks learn what they need to learn. And make the mistakes, get the skinned knees (figuratively speaking) and get educated.

Me, I'm off to write. Paranormals where I can make the world according to my own vision.

With tons of hot sex, of course!

October 27, 2009

It's Tuesday of my last vacation week of 2009. And it is raining. And it is going to rain tomorrow. And Saturday. And Sunday. Cripes.

Well, I'm trying to take the Pollyanna approach and be glad - that it is raining; because now I need no excuse as to why I'm not out raking or cleaning the gutters or pruning back dead summer plants. I have to stay in the house and that means I can - ORGANIZE. I'm a total failure at organization. I'm a packrat and I can't throw anything away and I am always absolutely positive EVERYTHING will, one day, be very useful and must be saved. Given that my house is a small, unexpanded Levitt house (Cape style) that means I'm surrounded by chaos.

NaNo is just around the corner and I've got a good idea (a promise to my Mother, actually that the novel will be her Christmas gift - Oy vey.) and I've got some energy going and enthusiasm about getting underway. So what I need to do now is be organized - so I can find those craft references and research books that I will be needing as I go. So I can find my "lucky" fountain pen to write with (it made me absolutely successful in 2006 with my "Just In Time" time travel/romance/suspense/Jack The Ripper thriller....). And so I can feel as though I'm not inundated and overwhelmed (which is usually how I feel).

I'm anxious to get the L&L contest taken care of and wrapped up (I dread going back to my work email and finding the further problems that my judges have emailed me about....) so that I can face the end of the year (Goddess, where HAS it gone?!) and be prepared for 2010 with my life less insane, and my space all neat and organized and ready for me to be productive.

So on that note, guess it's time to CLEAN HOUSE!

August 16, 2009

Sultry summer has arrived, at least for the short-term. It makes everything harder - including writing - for me. Besides yard work, house work, and work-work, I'm just drained by the commute, by sweating 24/7 and by forecasts that predict this current mini-wave will last through Wednesday. BUT, I'm in front of the fan today, and while I do have significant yard work (imagine cleaning up Jurassic park - that's about the size of my task) I'll have to break it into little bite-sized pieces in order not to collapse of heat stroke. Instead, I'm going to take blocks of time today and relax in front of the fan and work on my current piece. Or should I say pieces? My biggest problem - stick-to-it-ive-ness. Or, as my Grandmother often accused: "Your eyes are bigger than your stomach."

So what have I got on tap? My novella, The Diary of Desiree Lee, for the Gothic Red Rose novella project. I haven't made any progress to speak of on the Vampire erotic novella anthology, though I don't think I'm alone there....But I have my current, personal, full-lenght project, "Extreme" (working title) underway and I am very excited by it. With luck that means I'll be able to focus on it and not let my mind wander.

My original plans were to have this ready for the New Jersey conference, but at this rate, I won't have it done, AND since NJ's roster of editors attending was JUST posted (2 months after registration began) and there are only THREE editors attending - from Lachesis (Canadian small press), Crescent Moon (e-pub of fantasy/paranormal only) and Samhain - to whom I can submit without an agent anyway, it doesn't motivate me very much. So I'll have to find my own motivation.

What my "long term personal forecast" is: December 31, 2009 - the date on which I retake my life and my energies and can focus on my projects, branding, and everything else that goes along with being a successful writer. Instead of a successful volunteer.

Sunday, July 18, 2009

The 2nd half of my weekend is here and I'm feeling a bit worn, down, and overwhelmed. Yesterday's weather was pretty warm (mid-80's). I am always so exhausted on Saturday that I end up just trying to relax and regain some strength following my work week. I didn't sleep all that well last night, so this morning - though I got up at 6:30 - I'm still tired.

Have to get chores done, though. Yard work, esp. but also food store and laundry. Today's to be less warm and very dry so I can anticipate not dropping while doing yard work. But I have a lot to do.

I will have to work in the AMs and PMs to get stuff done unless I always want to have it looming over me on the weekend.

The upshot of all this rambling is that it means less time for my writing that I had hoped today. I'm sitting inside right now, though it is lovely outside, because I am watering (it really needs it). Once it is 10 Am I'll turn to doing laundry, instead. Four or five loads. In between, food store, yard work and then once I've done a few hours of that, THEN I can sit down and start my writing. I've got to enhance my plot outline and do some characterization work on my hero and heroine. I'm very clear on my heroine and her background, and her primary motivation: anger (with a side order of guilt). Hero is less clear, but he is also less conflicted. His motivation is his search for justice.

I wont' be sitting inside at my computer, though, I'll take my notebook and sit outside. I finished Karin Slaughter's latest book yesterday (excellent and gruesome) but while I started the new James Lee Burke Texas-set book, I'm not going to pick it up again today because I fall into the habit of reading too often when I should be writing.

I'm excited about my current project and am looking forward to getting into the process and really feeling the heat!

July 11, 2009

Woo Hoo! It's Saturday. Mild, balmy, breezy and not too hot. A tad more humid than I would like, but there's rain coming later so it will get even more humid then. I am excited by my plans, and the work I've done recently on my new project. I plan on having it complete and ready to pitch at the NJ Put Your Heart In A Book Conference, although there aren't any editors or agents listed yet to get appointments with, so I'm not sure it will prove productive. Besides, if NJ has cut out all the e-pub editors, then there's going to be a real dearth of folks to accomodate all the appointments. It's going to be say, 10 editors instead of 20 or whatever the break down will be. I intend to get an appointment come hell or high water ("first come first served" is the rule, but my request got lost last year and I never got to see the folks I wanted). This year I'm hoping for an Avon Red or Kensington Aphrodesia or NAL or Grand Central pitch editor. Because EXTREME is going to be ready, great and eminently sexxxxxxxy.

I've got a lot of irons in the fire, I know. But I am also looking forward with great relish to the end of December when all of my RWA commitments draw to a close and I can finally get out from under the sense of responsibility for making sure chapter members get their money's worth. Can't do it all, as they say.

Come December I'm going to really wail on my projects, and in the meantime I'm not going to let this bout of cold and exhaustion get me down. I'll need to do some yard and house work, but I'll also get lots of time for myself. And instead of sitting in a chair and reading today, I'll be sitting outside in the breeze and writing!

I've got tons of plans, too, for website, blog, and yahoo groups, as well as newsletters and such.

For now, I've got to deal with my first "guest" on the Writing Love American Style yahoo group. Set some things up, and get it started.

June 24, 2009

Am I my own worst enemy? Probably. But I've made a vow to myself to step out of the circle of frustration, anger, futility, impotence, and into the light of unfettered creativity.

For all those people, things, stuff I cannot change - either habits, a situation, problems or issues - I will just admit defeat and move on. No more gnashing of my teeth (when I wake up middle of the night with a tension headache, that is exactly what I've been doing) and trying to push people, pull people, mold situations to my liking. Nope. No more. A pure and utter waste of time because if my assistance and help and expertise and support is not helping, then there's no reason to continue expending myself when I could, instead, be working hard on my own things.

If I suffer from a fear of success - or failure - that is where I should focus my energies and my positive efforts. To push past that and realize that pinnacle of submission to a publisher. Even if it is a short story or novella, rather than a novel (and short erotic and romance fiction sites abound, so there are plenty of folks out there to explore a relationship with, vis a vis, writing.

I'm working hard toward that goal - I was very excited yesterday, although I backslid by end of day (what is it about my day job that just sucks the very creative and energetic marrow from my bones?) but I did, as I promised myself, keep my distance from those situations that most entangle me in thei insidious webs!

But a new day has dawned. True, it is still grey, rain threatens, and worst of all the temps are rising so humidity will be the order of the day (yuck and double yuck), but I'm prepared with a light and sleeveless dress and lots of my favorite refreshing item - Jean Nate.

Does that take you back, or what?

June 19, 2009 - Grey and cool and filled with promise

OK, so like WOW, let me just rave on about some recent flash fiction I read on my Yahoo Loop, Let Me Get You Hot and Bothered. I put out FFFF - freaky Friday flash fiction (because we are all freaky erotica and erotic romance authors there). The prompts can be wild, wicked, wanton (oops, that's another blog of mine!) or poetic, dark or dangerous. Yesterday's was a DP, double prompt (tee hee) provided by 2 of my members and folks have been outdoing themselves, ME INCLUDED! There must have been something in the water, or perhaps it is simply that my creative juices have been flowing like mad, lately - so much so that I might need some literary depends. I've been filled with ideas for my current erotic novella WIP (the one that is definitely going out for submission by the end of this month - I have promised myself and I will not fail me - I've done that far too much lately). Between that and reading some other folks' work, well, I seem to be a veritable fiction Vesuvius at the moment.

Despite the grey weather that has been, it seems, unending (there may have been a sunny day somewhere - maybe back in the Pleistocene.), I have not felt the usual depressed morose feeling that I tend to get. Instead it is almost as if my absorption with my writing has insulated me from feeling it. I look up from the page - or the screen - and find myself surprised at where I am, in my mundane world, because I've been that drawn into my fictional worlds.

One of the prompts was the title of my favorite Tennessee Williams play, Talk To Me Like The Rain and Let Me Listen. I'd mentioned it in passing during a discussion on the art of writing dialogue - to use plays as a sort of education on the value of dialogue and how to use it to move plots forward and expose characters.

When my gal Jae said use it as a prompt, I did and it unleased (for me and, apparently for her) a whole new erotic and sensual sense of writing that was different by far from my nitty, gritty and sometimes witty erotic bits and pieces.

As a result I am sitting with only ten minutes to go before I have to hit the old salt mine trail and toil away again for another 8 to 10 hour day. But I am basically just excited to get going, so that I can take advantage of those bits of time here and there - on trains and buses - and get more writing done. Inspiration is a wonderful thing, ain't it? Not only that the community of WRITERS is a wonderful thing. For anyone who is tempted to secret themselves away in a world, hiding their words and suspecting other writers of possible attempts at word theft, you are doing yourselves a grave disservice. Because for every person tempted to steal from you, are a huge crowd who want nothing more than to cheer you on and praise your efforts and keep you on the path to creative fulfillment and professional productivity. So, guys and gals, let it all hang out - figuratively speaking.

6/3/09

Raining. I'm not writing, either, but, as usual, performing those tangential writerly tasks. Culling articles from newspapers ("ideas"), reading a craft book "Fiction Writers' Brainstormers", checking emails (RWA chapters, writers' loops, etc.).

I was determined to get my erotic short ready for submission on my birthday at mid-month. Not sure I can do that now, but I'll get back to work on it.

It is raining outside so it does permit me the "luxury" of coming inside and getting on my computer, which I always postpone because I cannot bear a single minute of NOT being out of doors when the weather is lovely.

Anyway. That's where I stand. Frustrated, but determined.

What else is new!

(P.S. - I am getting lots of ideas while my brain is not overwhelmed with the nonsense of work. A bit of anxiety off my shoulders because I paid my bills, have my tax refund and can pay a few more without sweating the penny pinching for a minut or two....but lots of ideas, which is always great. NOW to sit down and WRITE!!!)

6/1/09

Inspiration comes from the strangest places. Fortunately for me, I find inspiration just about everywhere. Today's story on the death of the last survivor of the Titanic sinking has my mind racing. I've always loved that era, anyway - as the old world slowly ceded to the new - a world filled with mechanization and World War conflagrations and so many inventions and changes that made the rather sedate, older world, anachronistic almost overnight.

The day is gorgeous (though the weather's supposed to change to more cloudy and more showers) and I'm feeling motivated.

Fortunately for me, I can write outside on a notebook and don't need to feel constrained about having to write on a laptop or computer. Why do people not realize that? I'm always puzzled when someone laments that their computer is getting repaired, or it died and they're waiting to buy a new one - and can't write until they do.

Weird. Take out a pen and a pad, dudes!

Too nice a day - gotta run and put all this motivation to good use. Vampires, here I come!

6/1/9 - Getting down to brass tacks

I haven't the foggiest clue what that expression means, but that's my plan for the week as I am now ON VACATION! While I always pray for beautiful weather (not too hot, and at this time of year, with my gardening to do too, certainly not too cold), I am usually thwarted. Sure enough, this morning the latest weather report has added to the 3 days of possible rain this week to make it - 5 DAYS with rain. Today was supposed to be clear until late afternoon, now a possible thunderstorm in the AM. Sheesh.

The upside? More time to write, of course!

So what am I up to? Same old, same old, actually, as has been the case for a bit. I've got my erotic vampire novella up and then my Gothic novella. And in between I am working on an erotic short piece that I hope to submit on my birthday (15 days from now). Beyond that, of course, are my longer projects (as my Grandma always said, my eyes are bigger than my stomach, and it doesn't just mean about food, either!).

Am I the only one who gets so overzealous about projects that not a single one ever reaches fruition? I certainly hope I'm not alone, but then again I wouldn't wish this on others as it is FRUSTRATING!

But I am going for the gusto, the brass ring, the gold, "Just do it!" as Nike says. And by the end of this week I will, by golly, have something to show for it!

!

TGIF! A gorgeous day and I'm filled with inspiration. Having joined a number of non-RWA Yahoo groups dedicated to erotic romance, historial romance, historical fiction and World War II (mostly research there), I've got lots of creative juices sloshing around. I'm going to try not to let the nastiness as work get me down, and just get through the day so I can head home for the long weekend and relax, write, work out in the garden and generally chill.

My writing has suffered the last few months from frustration/depression/anxiety issues as well as from (gosh, what a surprise!) taking on too many volunteer responsibilities. The end of the road is in sight on that one, though, and I've SOOOOOO learned my lesson not to try to impress or garner friends by pitching in to do as much work as is humanly (or not) possible. It hasn't gotten me anywhere except into Aggravation Land and so I'll consider my 2 years of service for RWA groups, and 3 for NYC good enough.

Now it is off to the coal mines to toil for the day. Cool breezes and sun outside - ah, well. I guess I'd be outside if I was a ditch-digger, wouldn't I?

Happy Memorial Day.

Remember the brave men and women, soldiers, nurses, doctors, photographers, journalists, fliers, who have given their lives for our country and for others.