August 16, 2009

Sultry summer has arrived, at least for the short-term. It makes everything harder - including writing - for me. Besides yard work, house work, and work-work, I'm just drained by the commute, by sweating 24/7 and by forecasts that predict this current mini-wave will last through Wednesday. BUT, I'm in front of the fan today, and while I do have significant yard work (imagine cleaning up Jurassic park - that's about the size of my task) I'll have to break it into little bite-sized pieces in order not to collapse of heat stroke. Instead, I'm going to take blocks of time today and relax in front of the fan and work on my current piece. Or should I say pieces? My biggest problem - stick-to-it-ive-ness. Or, as my Grandmother often accused: "Your eyes are bigger than your stomach."

So what have I got on tap? My novella, The Diary of Desiree Lee, for the Gothic Red Rose novella project. I haven't made any progress to speak of on the Vampire erotic novella anthology, though I don't think I'm alone there....But I have my current, personal, full-lenght project, "Extreme" (working title) underway and I am very excited by it. With luck that means I'll be able to focus on it and not let my mind wander.

My original plans were to have this ready for the New Jersey conference, but at this rate, I won't have it done, AND since NJ's roster of editors attending was JUST posted (2 months after registration began) and there are only THREE editors attending - from Lachesis (Canadian small press), Crescent Moon (e-pub of fantasy/paranormal only) and Samhain - to whom I can submit without an agent anyway, it doesn't motivate me very much. So I'll have to find my own motivation.

What my "long term personal forecast" is: December 31, 2009 - the date on which I retake my life and my energies and can focus on my projects, branding, and everything else that goes along with being a successful writer. Instead of a successful volunteer.

June 24, 2009

Am I my own worst enemy? Probably. But I've made a vow to myself to step out of the circle of frustration, anger, futility, impotence, and into the light of unfettered creativity.

For all those people, things, stuff I cannot change - either habits, a situation, problems or issues - I will just admit defeat and move on. No more gnashing of my teeth (when I wake up middle of the night with a tension headache, that is exactly what I've been doing) and trying to push people, pull people, mold situations to my liking. Nope. No more. A pure and utter waste of time because if my assistance and help and expertise and support is not helping, then there's no reason to continue expending myself when I could, instead, be working hard on my own things.

If I suffer from a fear of success - or failure - that is where I should focus my energies and my positive efforts. To push past that and realize that pinnacle of submission to a publisher. Even if it is a short story or novella, rather than a novel (and short erotic and romance fiction sites abound, so there are plenty of folks out there to explore a relationship with, vis a vis, writing.

I'm working hard toward that goal - I was very excited yesterday, although I backslid by end of day (what is it about my day job that just sucks the very creative and energetic marrow from my bones?) but I did, as I promised myself, keep my distance from those situations that most entangle me in thei insidious webs!

But a new day has dawned. True, it is still grey, rain threatens, and worst of all the temps are rising so humidity will be the order of the day (yuck and double yuck), but I'm prepared with a light and sleeveless dress and lots of my favorite refreshing item - Jean Nate.

Does that take you back, or what?